an introduction and a quest

This blog has been a long time coming.

It’s been one of those thoughts that is seeded in the back of my mind, slowly sprouting stalk and stem and leaves. I’ve been wanting to write, to gain some experience, to share some thoughts – but the darn issue in my life is this: too much. Too many interests, too many purposes, too many desires, too many things to say, too many missions, too many things I want to be. How do you put that all in a blog?

How do you even put that all in one, single, bank-teller, newly-married, low-budgeted, Coloradan Long-Islander life?

My husband recently confirmed the fact that my “calling” is something new almost every day. Some new goal, some new mission, some new way to bring healing and hope and Christ. And with each new dream, each new concept, I war and wage and tear and bite against the very small confines of my teeny-tiny life.

Because, despite all my interests, for right now I am a bank teller on Long Island. I wake up, go to work, come home, fix dinner, go to bed. Over and over and over again. And despite my wonderfully large, heroic, Kingdom-declaring purposes, for right now, my life seems so simple.

And I fight. Oh, I fight so hard. Why, God, why give me all these thoughts, all these goals, this mind, this vision…in this life? Come on! I am supposed to be doing something of significance!

Aren’t I?

And then God gently reminds me: How can I expand the boundaries of your life if you aren’t even taking up the whole space of Now?

Because I’m a Tomorrow-liver. After my strength is spent, my contentment waned, my trust diminished, I have this one coping mechanism: to make plans, to dream dreams, to push into the future with my whole heart and soul and mind. To dare to love God and obey Him as my future self.

The only problem being, that self has never existed. And never will.

God is asking me to be a woman of action instead of dreams, a woman of wisdom instead of plans, a woman of Now instead of Tomorrow. A woman who stretches the boundaries of her simple-Now-life by fully occupying the moment, fully being, living, choosing, acting, doing Today.

The seed that’s been growing in the back of my mind is this: the new revelations of God are saved for those who fully occupy Today, who fully accept and live by their current revelation. Perhaps my “calling” changes every day because I’m not listening to the calling of today: the calling of the bank teller, the calling of the dirty dishes and dirty house, the calling of my marriage.

So this is my quest, and this is my blog: to be fully content, fully present, fully intentional. Now. To push and press and beat – not against the boundaries of my moment – but into every nook and cranny of obedience. I long to become like the Great I AM – a fully present, fully holy, fully Now sort of God.

And He gently reminds me: There is a great war being raged for the Kingdom of Heaven in every heart. Not in your future, not in your “callings,” not just in Africa, or Christian ministry, or influence – but in the seemingly quiet lives right next to you. And this, right Now, is where I’ve given you to fight.

Then, I can only trust, that as I fill into the boundaries of my life, God will open doors and knock downs walls, adding additions and new seasons. But only when I run out of space in the life I already have. And, as I look around at what I do in this moment compared to all the potential and opportunity it really has, I find I have a lot of expanding to do.

So, I am going to write about cooking, about books, about things that are inspiring me, about how God is challenging me – about every scrap of my Now. And this is my invitation: share with me in making all moments Kingdom-moments. In making even the mundane chores, the books we read, the talents, the interests, every part of now – into obedience and intentional living. Into our calling.

So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.

Ephesians 5:15-17

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3 thoughts on “an introduction and a quest

  1. So wise, Jenni, so true…this is being God’s woman: that mystery of blended together puzzle pieces, so varied in us as individuals and yet so very similar in so many ways. For me the funny mix of wife, mother, teacher, horn player, dog trainer, homemaker, cook, outdoor enthusiast….all under the God-umbrella of my Creator, the One who gives it all meaning and purpose. Thank you for the reminder to live intentionally and to worship Him in each mundane and each monumental moment.

    1. Thank you! You are someone who has constantly inspired me when it comes to using the “little moments” as part of our worship. Conversations about dogs and changing diapers come to mind. 🙂

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